tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-332491328939495514.post8886531385189352721..comments2024-01-22T00:55:41.067-08:00Comments on Thinking Got Loud: "Amma, I understand you" - A short story by Ram MuraliRam Muralihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15932557588480669430noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-332491328939495514.post-81724592756702883582016-03-09T02:45:33.111-08:002016-03-09T02:45:33.111-08:00Story is simple and realistic.
I know some real li...Story is simple and realistic.<br />I know some real like characters like them. It is like drama unfolding like a screenplay.<br />You can try to use this gift and write simple dramas first. About family ties, family conflicts at which you seem to have good knowledge.<br />Your story is like screenplay.<br />There are two stories here.<br />Try to separate her professional story or make it short. Make the story with an upset set son and upset mother. The son could have given preference to an old man, Rajan, who may not be there when he visits Chennai during vacations. He could have talked to Raman over the phone instead. So that there would have been surprise ending, a happy ending without tears and guilt. And some romance between husband and wifecould have been there. More of the husband Sundar than of the daughter.<br />Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01689987224896883318noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-332491328939495514.post-2460213950055133572016-03-08T22:22:25.855-08:002016-03-08T22:22:25.855-08:00Good effort.
Good effort.<br />Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01689987224896883318noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-332491328939495514.post-9687541461053184212016-02-23T09:58:08.557-08:002016-02-23T09:58:08.557-08:00
Ram Murali : On reading your story the picture o...<br /><br />Ram Murali : On reading your story the picture of Lakshmi teacher which comes to me is that of a woman who speaks in slow measured tones with a voice tending to be on the huskier side, a voice like actress Lakshmi (a coincidence) but not with her (actress Lakshmi’s ) emotional peaks and valleys. Her English tends to be accentless. She wears light coloured framed spectactles, old fashioned frames like herself, she is a devotee of Maha Periyavar , she doesn’t wear jewellery and tends to drape her saree fully around her person the way a woman does when protecting herself from the cold.<br />I have seen a few Lakshmi teachers in my life (none of them were teachers incidentally). They command respect from those outside her home but what you’ve captured is amazingly uncanny in that the opposition and resistance comes from their own backyard, usually in the form of a son or daughter. Another detail that you’ve beautifully captured is the character of the husband. Again, from personal observation, I found the husbands (without exception in each case) to be pliant but not blasé – they prefer to actively keep quiet knowing that any more argument would be counter productive and have a quiet faith that reason is bound to descend on the “warring” parties.<br /><br />Lakshmi teacher’s own struggle tends to make her sarcastic and bitter at times when things don’t go according to her aspirations. At some time in her life she may have been forced to do things she would die rather than do like working up the courage to borrow money or essentials from a relative or neighbor.<br /><br />With regard to her sarcasm, a typical scene after an exam might look like this. (Lakshmi teacher to son Sanjay) “Yenna ? Maths Exam mark enna aachchu ?” (Sanjay) “Eighty thaandala” (Lakshmi teacher – resignedly sarcastic) “(Sigh) Adhukkellaam Bhagavaan oada anugraham vaynumdaa !” (Sanjay retorting – equally headstrong and arrogance personified) “Anugraham ellaaam vayndaam. Padichchaa poadhum !”<br /><br />What a lovely story ! Hats off to you<br />Zolahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09347849134451149946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-332491328939495514.post-5570629024940030722016-02-09T06:43:08.995-08:002016-02-09T06:43:08.995-08:00I'd love to illustrate ‘Amma I understand you’...I'd love to illustrate ‘Amma I understand you’ but its quite a challenge though I have a fair idea of how the gentle but hard bitten character of Amma of the story should be visualized.<br /><br />Ofcourse, if actress Srividhya were alive……….<br /><br />Zolahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09347849134451149946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-332491328939495514.post-57929373631299415422016-01-25T09:18:10.286-08:002016-01-25T09:18:10.286-08:00Feedback from Rahini David via e-mail. (Thanks a ...Feedback from Rahini David via e-mail. (Thanks a lot, once again, Rahini.)<br /><br /> I read the story yesterday and also forwarded to a friend who writes short stories on a monthly column. We both liked it. Here are a few things I noticed.<br /><br />1) the story consists of four parts, the mother being a strict math teacher and viewed as rigid when it doesn't go well with the plan of ambitious parents, the disagreement over how the son should spend his last evening in India before he embarks on an important journey., the conversation with the husband and the conversation with the daughter.<br /><br />Though all are important, and contribute a certain something to the character of the mother, it can be arranged in a slightly different way to interest an average reader.<br /><br />Say the mother meets raman sir and is apologetic about the son not accompanying her. She mentions that even yesterday he bought his favorite sweets. But raman sir asks what he is actually doing and chides her that if her mentor is important to her , then his mentor would be important to him.<br /><br />The leak proof daba etc happen here. She also discusses the incident of the students mother and they discuss points like the ladies implication that it is all about tuition fees.<br /><br />The send off to the son is too important a scene to be meddled with and it cannot be a mere flashback or a allusion.<br /><br />The scenes with husband and daughter stand well on their own but one does not lead automatically into another. Will explain in a minute.<br /><br />2) some particulars like the fathers job and daughters job will just pull people away from the basic story that of the mother. Some points just seamlessly integrated themselves. But some points did not. Even the sons pulsar bike. It is only important that he left, not that he left in a pulsar bike. However I would not say the same about the mothers vehicle if any. It is her story and backstory and personality that we are exploring here.<br /><br />M3) I liked the son being mommys favorite and daughter being daddy's favorite without either being too sweet or potential cause of rivalry. The mom does encourage her daughter to push her limits and come out of her comfort zone and it does her a world of good<br /><br />4) somehow I liked the daughter sending a text message rather than spontaneously talking to her mom. Such talk to her mother is a bit rare for her. But why does she choose the day her brother leaves? Does she overhear her mother's doubts regarding her parenting? I was not too sure.<br /><br />5) passes Bechdel test. Not that all stories should. Just noted it here.<br /><br />6) you should use names that do not sound too similar. Like rajan and raman. I could see who was who as I am a tamil person. If a story set in Delhi had a amit and a amol then trust me I would not find it easy to follow the story.<br /><br />I considered the daughter being a witness to her mothers disagreement with her son. And also overhears the conversation the parents have with ease other. I did figure out it myself and knew why she was talking. But in a short story you should not let the reader wonder why something happens. Basically what I am saying is, assume the reader is lazy. It should be apparent. Like say banu giving a meaningful look. Words like "banu just sat there, she hardly blinked " sets the stage. We wonder what banu is thinking. We finally know why.<br /><br />The entire story happening in banus eyes can work too.<br /><br />I am guessing you had the family in your mind and let the story flow in. One character at a time.<br /><br />I would suggest you write a few skeletal outlines and choose one that suits the basic premise. May take more time of course but it can optimize the story's impact.Ram Muralihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15932557588480669430noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-332491328939495514.post-9438205530663129292016-01-11T08:36:43.229-08:002016-01-11T08:36:43.229-08:00Do check out my latest when you have the time. Eve...Do check out my latest when you have the time. Every bit of it is true<br /><br />https://thezolazone.wordpress.com/2016/01/10/star-wars-the-force-took-years-to-awaken/Zolahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09347849134451149946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-332491328939495514.post-82434886625734819532016-01-11T08:25:30.390-08:002016-01-11T08:25:30.390-08:00Ha Ha This is ultimate !Ha Ha This is ultimate !Zolahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09347849134451149946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-332491328939495514.post-5507491273678283802016-01-11T07:06:24.482-08:002016-01-11T07:06:24.482-08:00Ravishanker - thank you very much, mikka nandri fo...Ravishanker - thank you very much, mikka nandri for your kind comment ungal anbaana vimarsanathirku (I had to respond Major style as well!). Ram Muralihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15932557588480669430noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-332491328939495514.post-25931105760468927032016-01-09T10:01:45.709-08:002016-01-09T10:01:45.709-08:00Read it again today - Brilliant piece ! Look my de...Read it again today - Brilliant piece ! Look my dear son (Major Sundarrajan style) its time you got an agentZolahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09347849134451149946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-332491328939495514.post-77994251955889367242016-01-08T11:02:11.668-08:002016-01-08T11:02:11.668-08:00Ravishanker - Thank you SO MUCH for reading the st...Ravishanker - Thank you SO MUCH for reading the story. I really appreciate your prompt response and your feedback.<br />Will accept your compliments humbly.<br />Thank you, once again.Ram Muralihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15932557588480669430noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-332491328939495514.post-27326926716264246902016-01-08T10:20:04.425-08:002016-01-08T10:20:04.425-08:00Ram Murali : i didnt wait till Saturday for doing ...Ram Murali : i didnt wait till Saturday for doing my leisurely reading. This really hits close to home. I didnt feel like I was reading about fictional people at all. Very engaging and moving piece - if it was longer I'd call it a page turner. Can recall real life characters who resemble the characters in the story. Keep it going ! Zolahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09347849134451149946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-332491328939495514.post-64658668492615624432015-02-05T08:02:36.446-08:002015-02-05T08:02:36.446-08:00Thank you, Charu and Aunty, for your kind comments...Thank you, Charu and Aunty, for your kind comments. I am glad that you could relate to the characters in the story :)Ram Muralihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15932557588480669430noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-332491328939495514.post-27706656957214261922015-02-03T22:04:41.938-08:002015-02-03T22:04:41.938-08:00A very nice short story Ram. I was able to relate ...A very nice short story Ram. I was able to relate to Lakshmi only that I don't have a daughter.Ushamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13469661205036787891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-332491328939495514.post-81831884079231133252015-02-01T13:32:44.873-08:002015-02-01T13:32:44.873-08:00autiful story... The best of all your short storie...autiful story... The best of all your short stories ��. It felt like a page out of the day when I left for the US. Nice that you ended the story with Sanjay not calling. !!saradhahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01346377061508294905noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-332491328939495514.post-81900704934522302032015-02-01T13:31:13.220-08:002015-02-01T13:31:13.220-08:00This comment has been removed by the author.saradhahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01346377061508294905noreply@blogger.com