Intern-al Stability, External Impact

No sooner had “The Intern” dropped on Netflix than I started to see a series of tweets that reminded me of how much affection is associated with the film.  The 2015 film is about a ‘senior intern’ (delightfully essayed by Robert De Niro) who ends up becoming a trusted confidante and best friend to his company founder (played with supreme conviction by Anne Hathaway).  Ben Whittaker (De Niro) ends up creating an impact that extends far beyond the confines of the office space of Jules Ostin (Hathaway).  Beyond his other admirable qualities such as initiative and reliability, is his sense of calm. 

In a scene of great meaning, Jules observes, “The truth is, something about you makes me feel calm, or more centered or something.  And I could use that.”  Last year, I had recollected this line in an article titled, “Peace it together” where I wrote on the importance of internal peace and what I see as the prime contributors to that.  In this companion piece, I want to dwell more on what impact that calm could have on others.

By the end of the film, Ben has nurtured Jules through a professional dilemma and a humungous personal crisis.  Expressing her gratitude, Jules says, “It’s moments like this when you need someone that you know you can count on.”  Just pause on that line for a second.  What impact do we create on people by giving them this assurance that they can count on us? 

Although I am unable to recollect the source, I once saw this phrase, “calm begets calm.”  That line has stayed with me ever since.  I know that I am yet to always be the perfectly calm gentleman, the likes of which I admire on and off screen.  Like Arjun in “Rhythm” or De Niro here.  But I do know that when I am able to enter that zone of calm - regardless of pressures that I might be facing - that I am able to project that calm onto others.  I am expressive by nature.  I know that I can choose words precisely and thoughtfully to make someone feel better, even if momentarily.  But truth to be told, the words are only part of the story.  In fact, there is very little by way of profundities that De Niro utters in “The Intern.”  Instead, he makes people pause, breathe, and hold a figurative mirror to reflect on themselves.  He is patient and persistent, not allowing them to flinch and look away from that mirror. 

If you think about situations where you have made a positive impact on someone by exhibiting a sense of calmness, you will realize that you would have exhibited complete empathy, an unwavering focus on what ‘they’ need but would have also gently nudged and prodded them towards what might bring them enduring clarity.  Just like the way Jules is encouraged by De Niro to really assess if her company needs a new CEO.

In the instances where I have been able to make a positive impact on someone in the personal or professional setting, there is one common attribute that I have observed about myself.  And that is the ability to have a sense of detachment.  Not towards the person as much as towards the situation.  If I can take a step back to critically observe the bigger picture, then I am able to put things in perspective better for the other person.  It is, of course, easier when say, I am helping someone on an issue where I do not have direct involvement.  In that case, I can patiently hear out details and offer my perspectives.  But if I am part of a stressful situation myself, then it takes more effort to rise to the occasion, and to be the picture of calm amidst the distress. 

One tightrope walk that we absolutely need to walk as the provider of support or as an intended source of calm is to avoid trivializing a person’s issue but at the same time, give them the assurance that this too shall pass.  When I share relevant examples or insights from my own past experiences, it helps me make a connection with the concerned person.  They get to know that I am speaking from a lived-in experience, not a second hand one.  Because it is so important to ensure that the empathy intended is the same as the empathy received.

At the end of the day, we might not always be able to help people solve their problems.  Alas, some problems might not have easily acceptable solutions after all.  But to the extent to which we can, if we can project the sense of calm that Ben could to Jules, then we can absolutely make a meaningful difference.  And if we derived so much comfort from watching “The Intern”, then we, in turn, can offer the same comfort to the people who place faith in us.